Well. As I was leaving my art class today, I've been working hard on my portfolio for a while, but at times I just get very uninspired, my art teacher noticed this (we were talking before, I was telling her my light table was too small, I dont have enough time in class to ink my pages, I'll just do it at home (i basically went in a circle :I )) and she tells me I'm uninspired. I agreed with this, yes, but I have been recently getting more and more inspired, Its just hard to transfer that from everything else to my portfolio. Then she had the nerve to say "Maybe that's why you don't like drawing anymore". UM. I was leaving the room, she said this and I was literally going to tell her I just hate her class, I told her I disliked the idea of the concentration (not my idea, but the concentration in general).
OKOK. First off. I do like drawing. With a passion, I want to turn those drawings into animations, paper and digital. I want my characters to come to life whether its a still picture or a moving picture. But in the class, I am working on my portfolio. All of the things that I want to do are put on hold for something I wanted to do, submit and have a fairly good feeling about it later in the year. But when my portfolio started turning into my class grade, that's when I got stressed, that's when I started disliking the class. NOT because I dislike drawing.
I know, a concentration is important. Think of it, an animation for a movie is basically one big concentration. You have a deadline, you have to stay focused, you may get stressed but you went into that job knowing that's what would happen, and you continue it because its fun and what you want to do, no matter the results. So, then I really shouldn't be complaining. I'm not complaining about her not being that great of a teacher, but what she is doing. These portfolios, we need to submit them on time. They become too much work for her to handle if they aren't done on time. We are lazy and we just don't focus on our work, which is why our grade is bad. You have time in class use it. If you don't submit it your grade will go down. I think this may be all art classes in general, but I don't feel like I have freedom as an artist in a class that's not there to help me explore my style and teach me something new. I feel like I'm locked in a dungeon tower trying to hurry and knit a beautiful detailed quilt together within a day, and if I don't I will have to suffer the consequences. I will regret not finishing my portfolio, instead of wondering how I could have done it better.
Even if I submit it in full. I will wish I had more time on it, that I could have gotten inspired more often to work on it. That my teacher would show less pointless videos during class and actually give us time to work on the darn thing. I'm going to finish my portfolio, and I want to be proud of it I just don't know if I will be. I'm rushing now because things were not in my favor over spring break (i tried working on it, got the sketches finished but my light table is too small to fit the papers, so I couldn't get anymore done, and now I have to figure out a way to work on them at home anyways because I really cant stand my art teacher.)
I'm going to have to forget things I like doing for the rest of the month, Going on feral heart and watching Unchained members rp(i am a member myself, I rarely rp tho >3< ), playing Terraria or Minecraft, watching youtubers, watching anime. I really need to just, focus on my portfolio and make it something I'm proud of, and also prove to myself that I can let go of a few things for a while if it means getting things done.
The reason why my portfolio isn't done is because of me, its because of distractions, its because of stress, its because of my art teacher, and again, its because of me. I'm going to be gone, until May. Around May 8th is when I should return. I'll hopefully return with a positive attitude and well hardcore drawing basically. xD I cant wait until then, But for now this is farewell.
Listening to: Music